I'm going to the Opera tonight and once again I've waited until the last minute to find a dress, so I'll do what I always do and head for my favorite "store"  - my daughter Johanna's closet. And I'll have to listen to her tell me I really need to buy some clothes. I have clothes, just not fancy clothes; I've never been comfortable with fancy.

Both my daughters on the other hand, love to dress up and wear girly stuff. Lauren even likes to give fancy gifts - check out this turtle she gave me (put your sunglass on first):





I dread going to "grown-up" functions; grown-up women own cocktail dresses, and they say, "what, this old thing?" without batting an eye. 

I do have one dress that's appropriate for the opera, a sexy black number I picked up at TJ Maxx a month or so ago, but of course I didn't bother to buy the proper foundation garments to wear underneath. I like to say "foundation garment" because it reminds me of that old hymn "How Firm a Foundation" which always makes me giggle when we sing it in church.

No matter what I wear I feel like an imposter - it's like I'm afraid someone's going to ask to see my invitation to the ball and then smirk because they know I don't have one. It's insane, I know, but I always feel like I'm 13 again, at my first Christmas dance, the one where all the girls (meaning my three best friends) wore velvet dresses and I wore a skirt and blouse I raided from my mom's closet and then imagined my friends saying under their breath, "Did you see what she's wearing? Poor thing."

I tell myself it's what's inside that counts, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I am filled with light and grace. Yeah, right, just call me Grace. Have you seen my knees? I have more bruises than a bag of marked-down apples. You see what I'm up against.

Newsflash: I'm not in junior high, no one is looking at me. Somehow that's not much of a consolation, because deep down I want to be noticed and admired. I'm 54 years old with four grandchildren and have the self-confidence of a  teenager. "Pay attention to me!" as my daughter used to say.

I read somewhere that an immature person walks into a room and says "Here I am!" A mature person walks in and says "There you are!" It helps if you're wearing velvet and don't jiggle when you walk.

The obvious solution is to just buy myself a velvet dress and be done with it, but in a size 16? You could re-upholster a sofa with all that fabric. It's not about the dress, anyway.

The apostle Paul talks about "putting on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience," insinuating it doesn't come with the package, it's not natural. And then he says, "beyond all these things, put on love....." The meaning is to "clothe" yourself, as with a garment. It's only when we're clothed in God's love that we can walk into a room and say, "There you are!"  It's like wearing a velvet dress. In a size 2.